Thorpe Park - Number 5 - Date #2

Another thing you don’t know about me is that my body has a tendency to malfunction at the most inappropriate of moments.  And no I don’t mean I woke up on Sunday morning having a bad hair day or with a huge spot, that I could have lived with. 

I woke up early on Sunday morning feeling excited for the prospect of my second date, and feeling pretty smug about my epic suggestion that had gone down so well. So I popped to the bathroom for a morning wee admittedly dying for a pee before I would start getting ready and that’s when it hit me…no I couldn’t have…….but I think I might…….don’t do this to me today…oh god it was relentless…I HAD CYSTITIS.

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Forethought: Cystitis and rollacoasters?

You have to be kidding me…all my smugness turned to fear.  For those of you have had or are prone to cystitis will reason that a theme park could possibly be the worst place to have this bladder problem…and I thought having it during exams in the first year of uni was bad enough. #nightmare

I didn’t know what to do because I knew it wasn’t going to let up any time soon...but I really didn’t want to cancel this date.  I was in a state of sheer panic, I now have 1.5 hours to decide… I get ready or cancel…I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I jumped in the bath, whilst downing copious amounts of water and green tea, and sent out an SOS to the friend jury.

The jury was in but I got mixed reviews …there was a categorical ‘you cannot go’, there was a ‘its mind over matter’ and there was my mother …“You have to tell him you have an infection.”  Surprisingly I decided not to proceed with the latter. 

Can you imagine receiving that from a potential date? All charm and sexiness would go immediately out the window. I would just like to run the synonyms of infection by you…

• Disease           
• Virus
• Bug                   
• Contagion
• Contamination

…which were all words I had no desire to associate myself or my urethra with.

Still splashing around in the bath I now only had 45 minutes to decide what to do and my tummy was so full and heavy from all the water I had consumed, I am surprised I hadn't drowned. I wouldn't be that lucky.

By the time I faffed around with phone calls and loo breaks, and had sat on the sofa pretending I was in a car to test if sitting down for a period of time would be that bad, and if I could assume a natural position as well as pacing around my flat to see how I would hold up walking …I now had 30 minutes to get ready, and was peeing every 5.  

              

                                 

Curling my hair to pretend it was natural had gone completely out the window so I made the best out of a bad situation and chucked on my make up and a pretty summery dress.  I dropped him a quick text to say I wasn’t feeling 100% but was still up for Thorpe Park famous last words.  Luckily I was ready when he rang to say he was outside but I was so hot and flustered it took me 5 minutes to pluck up the courage to leave the loo and walk out the door.

I had to go with it, it was too late so I quickly pee’d for a 25^th time that morning and ran out the house having words with myself….Mind over matter…mind over matter.

 I wish I could express to you the sheer panic that was in my bones as I stepped into his car….it was possibly one of the worst situations of my life.

Pretty impressed with myself - I had made the 40 minute car journey seamlessly, I didn’t even flinch and conversation was relatively un awkward. Only 9 hours to go...

We arrived at Thorpe Park…and there was a queue into the car park….I was starting to fidget….uh oh I felt as though I was going to wet myself…and I had drank a lot of water, so there was every possibility that I may wet myself…so I wriggled in my seat for slightly longer assuming the natural positions I had practiced earlier to try alleviate the feeling but my future was clear if I didn't get out his car right now, so I bolted, and said I would meet him at the ticket collection...and off I wiggled to the loo.

It was at this point it suddenly occurred to me that the probability of him thinking I had the shits was quite high…but I couldn’t face trying to have a conversation about it so I left him with his thoughts and met him in the queue.

…and from here on in this is how my day played out....in approximately 15-30 minute intervals…

I thank the lord that I could afford Fast track tickets...

Where has she gone?

First ride...

Running away had crossed my mind...as it probably had his...

Stealth - 0 - 80 MPH in under 2 seconds - a Cystitis dream!

This was getting ridiculous...and so it carried on...

Queue – taking too long

Nip out for a wee

Back in the queue

Really fast ride

Wee

Water break

Wee 

Wee

WEEEEEEE

                           

….and that is how my day continued into the afternoon. I should have considered buying Tenar Lady, at least then I could have just wet myself in the queues and he would have been non the wiser.

It was slightly exhausting, I was carrying round more water in my bag than a camel but eventually by mid afternoon I had consumed so much and I had marked my territory in every loo in Thorpe Park, the cystitis had started to let up.

Just a little note for anyone who plans on attending Thorpe Park with a date in the near future, take a mirror in your bag... once you have crossed the bridge, take one last big look at yourself ...because there isn't a single mirror in any other loo in the park and I've been in them all...I resorted to applying my make up in a cubicle using my iphone 5 camera whilst my knickers were round my ankles...classy bird.

All credit to the guy he was so lovely and every time was patiently waiting outside the loos…I was dying with embarrassment but just tried to ignore my disappearing acts and carry on, and to be fair me going off course between rides became second nature by the afternoon.

Overall the day was a success, apart from the obvious, it actually wasn't awkward at all and the main thing was I didn't wet myself.  I had just endured 10 hours of cystitis with a guy I had met once and still managed to bag a third date - I think I deserve a medal.

He messaged to say I had set the bar high with my second date suggestion but that he has come up with an appropriate 3rd date venue that will work in my favor because it has low level lighting.  

You have got to give it to the guy, he is tolerant and funny.  


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